Wednesday, January 23, 2013

How to poop and pee in space

OK, this video is long (25 mins) but it is worth it. If you don't have time right now, come back and watch it later. It's a tour of the Space Station. May not sound that cool, but it's actually pretty cool.

PS. This video does produce side effects such as feeling like your floating for the first 5 minutes after watching it as well as mild loss of equilibrium. I know from experience.


We've all see them, at least those of us who have sold our souls to Pinterest. I'm talking about the quotes, you know... the ones where you've just broken up with your boyfriend/girlfriend and somehow you read, "The grass isn't always greener on the other side; you just need to spend more time watering your own," and somehow everything is magically going to be better. Newsflash Pinterest, your ex-significant other isn't going to come back no matter how long you spend watering your grass. In fact, I don't think he or she really cares a lick about how green your grass is. (Unless, of course, not green enough grass is the reason you broke up in the first place).

You see, I'm a realist. I tell it like it is, no sugar coating involved. And you, my friend Pinterest, are getting brainwashed! So, I've decided to make this post about enlightening you to the truths behind the quotes those liars are putting out there. Here, you will get the unmasked version of the quotes. Ready, go:

... unless, of course, he has broken wings or there was recently a plane crash nearby... then there's a possibility that he did fall.

False. The best way to cheer yourself up is to watch this on repeat!

Sometimes you need to FORGET what you FEEL and REMEMBER what you DESERVE...
Sometimes you need to forget what you remember.

Hatred is wasted energy
No. Trying to outrun a cheetah is wasted energy....     

People take different roads seeking happiness and fulfillment. Just because they are not on your road does not mean that they actually know what they are doing.

What the quote should read: You can never cross the ocean unless you have a boat, some oars, and the courage to lose sight of the shore.

the part no one ever quotes... "because if you focus on how far you've got to go, how far you've come doesn't make the darndest bit of difference."

I only hope that you'll start to look at quotes with a critical eye from now on. Take everything with a grain of salt. Because not everything you see is true. Except this next one. This one is true...


Monday, January 21, 2013

Cars... the Spices of Life

Why do people buy cars? The obvious answer is because they add so much excitement to life. Just think about it... you're driving home from work. It's 15 degrees outside (or in today's case, -9!!!) and snowing/sleeting and you get a flat tire. And the best part is, you left your coat at home today.

Now, normally, you would go home (wearing your nice warm, thick, wool coat) and cuddle up on the couch with a cup of hot cocoa and watch tv until sleepiness took over your eyes. But not today! Today your car has provided you with a SURPRISE ADVENTURE in which you get to spend the next hour outside on the shoulder of the highway burning calories, learning how to survive the elements, and working every muscle in your body as you try to chip away at the iceberg that has attached itself to your tire. And what's even better is that these surprise adventures always seem to come at the perfect time... just when you're thinking to yourself, "Man, I'm really not in the mood for any surprise adventures today"...


Your sunroof gets stuck open in the middle of a monsoon and there's nothing you can do about it, but change your attitude to one that's ready to tackle an adventure. Our cars only do it because they have our best interest in mind. They're trying to make us better people. Aren't cars great?! And the very best part is the return on investment. The more you pay for your car, the more SURPRISE ADVENTURES you are likely to get!

Jake's car actually came with a bonus feature he wasn't aware of at the time of purchase. You see, over time, his car has begun to make music for him. It first started when his muffler started clanging out a beat. (It's practicing to try out for the drumline). And then, after a while, the suspension came in with a nice squeek on every eigth note. Now all Jake has to do is learn how to sing and he's got a self-made concert every morning and evening on his way to and from work. What a deal!

Speaking of deals (don't tell the dealership this but...), I really got a good one. When I got in my car for a test run before I bought it, I immediately noticed that it was a 'limited edition'. You see, my car has themed dashboard lights!!! I have one that looks like the Tin Man's oil can (from the Wizard of Oz.)  

And I have this this one that is Superman themed (he's faster than a speeding bullet).  

File:17 route.jpg

And I haven't quite figured out what this one is from yet, but all I know is it comes on when my tire pressure gets low. It's as if the air particles in my tires are screaming, "Hey! We're getting lonely in here!"

I really pulled a fast one on the dealership getting this one off the lot.

For those of you who don't know, Jake and I live in St. Louis Park. The great thing about living in SLP is that cars never break down on Sundays, which is why not a single car shop is open on Sundays. We're just that good! I feel bad for all you "we're open even on Sunday" car shop people. Maybe come check out SLP if you get a chance.

So the next time you're wondering what you should do with your weekend or your day off of work, instead of going to the movies or cleaning the house, consider buying another car. Like I said, you'll get more entertainment out of it than you'd ever expect and it will last for years to come. This is one product that is sure to over-perform!

Friday, January 18, 2013

Why I'm Glad Lance Armstrong Was the One Who Won Those Tours

For those of you who didn't have a chance to see it, the first part of Oprah's Lance Armstrong interview was aired last night, in which Lance openly admitted to doping throughout the majority of his cycling career, including during each of his 7 Tour de France wins. Now, as neither a fan nor a foe of Lance himself, or of the sport of cycling, I like to think that I have a fairly objective viewpoint on the matter. These are my thoughts (for those of you who care).

Lance Armstrong did bad things, many, many times. That goes without question and Lance openly admitted this last night. He even went on the offensive at some points, accusing and even suing those who had come out and spoken the truth about Lance's actions. A lot of people feel very betrayed because of these actions and lies. And people have every right to feel this way. Lance deserves to feel that bitterness and hatred for a while.

However, the man showed genuine regret and remorse in the interview. He apologized (rightly) multiple times, admitted that he will spend his lifetime apologizing for his actions, and has even privately made steps to try to right his wrongs with those he specifically hurt. And I believed that he was genuine in all of this.

Now, obviously, things aren't just going to get better overnight for him. Like he said himself, this is something he'll deal with for the rest of his life. But this morning I heard on the radio several djs talking about the interview and how they still feel that everything he said was a load of crap. I completely disagree. As a person who studied nonverbal communication as part of my major in college, I was watching his every move last night, and I believe that he was telling the truth. Why would he lie at this point? Here's some of the nonverbal clues I picked up on:

- at the very beginning of the interview, he kept touching his lips and holding his chin with this hand. To me, this showed that he was feeling vulnerable and trying to hide himself a little bit. (Not an indication of lying or not, just an indication of his emotional status)

- When you watched the clips from the tapes in the past where he admitted he was lying, he raised his eyebrows a lot, and looked up and to the side a lot. This wasn't the case last night. Granted, he did raise his eyebrows a few times, but one isolated gesture doesn't mean much. It's when you put them together and notice patterns and rhythms that they become indicators of lying. But his eyes were focused on Oprah, not wandering.

- In the past clips where he was testifying, he got heated and even went on the offensive a little bit, saying things like, "I've already answered that question," "I can't make it any clearer to you," and "Why would I do that?" as if building up a wall to protect himself. His body language was also closed in on itself as if creating a shield and he leaned forward a bit, almost as if he was pointing the blame back to his accuser with his body. That was not the case last night. He was very humble last night, accepting every bit of blame Oprah could throw at him. His voice was calm and collected, he sat upright in his chair, with his body open. He did have his hands clasped together in his lap; this is often a sign of confidence or a way to keep your nervousness from showing (you jittery hands will be more stable if they can support each other).

- when he used hand signals (such as listing items and using each finger to signify a new item on the list), the beat of the words he was saying matched up with the rhythm in which he was using the gesture. When lying, usually one's nonverbal gestures won't happen on the same rhythm as the words that are coming out of the mouth because there is a discord and the gestures are having to be manufactured at the same time the words are being formulated.

This is just what I noticed as someone who was actually paying attention. By no means am I an expert, but I do know some of the key things to look for. So, I believe him.

Now, after all that being said, I'm glad Lance had as much success as he did. Lance said himself in the interview, that he didn't think it was possible to win the 7 Tours in a row without doping. This was to imply that doping is such a big part of the cycling culture, that in order to keep up, you have to dope. Those who don't start out greatly disadvantaged (this is not to say that some don't). So it seems to me that the winner of the Tour was inevitably going to be a doper, no matter if it was Lance or some other guy. The fact that Lance had gone through cancer allowed him to raise a lot of support for the Livestrong foundation with his cycling success. So, heck yes I would rather it have been him than some other doper. No, I don't agree with what he did. Yes, it was wrong. Yes, the sport needs to change. But it seems that doping is the unwritten standard in cycling and the only person it physically hurts is the actual dopers themselves. I can see how he felt like he had to do it. To me, Lance is the lesser of two evils and I'm glad that some good could come out of such an ugly situation.

That said, the man seems to be trying. I don't think that he should be allowed to cycle any more, and I don't think that he should be forgiven overnight, but as long as he's trying to right things, as long as he's saying he's willing to support the anti-doping cause if they would allow him, I think the man deserves a little slack and some time to build up a more positive reputation for himself. We all make mistakes. Lance's was a big one, magnified to be even bigger under public scrutiny. But I'm willing to forgive someone who's willing to try to do better. And I believe him when he says he will try. I know a lot of you won't agree, but those are my thoughts.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Why K-Stew didn't get the role of the Third Pig

Did you know that Kristen Stewart (plays Bella in the Twilight series) actually tried out for the Three Little Pigs. Yes, the 'most hated woman in Hollywood' as reported by the Sun (true story) felt that she could do the part of the third pig justice; however, the casting crew decided to go with someone else... they felt Kristen just didn't quite fit the character. See below for details:

Once upon a time, there was an old sow with three little pigs. As she had not enough to keep them, she sent them out to seek their fortune.

The first pig met a man with a bundle of straw and said to him, "Please, Man, may I have some straw to build a house?" The man gave him some straw and the first pig built a house of straw.

One day, the Big, Bad Wolf came by, knocked on the first pig's door and said, "Little pig, little pig, let me come in."

"Not by the hair on my chiny chin chin," replied the first pig.

The wolf answered, "Well, then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in." So the wolf huffed and he puffed and he blew his house in and he ate up the first little pig.

The second pig met a man with a bundle of sticks and said to him, "Please, Man, may I have some sticks to build a house?" The man gave him some sticks and the second pig built a house of sticks.

One day, the Big, Bad Wolf came by, knocked on the second pig's door and said, "Little pig, little pig, let me come in."

"Not by the hair on my chiny chin chin," replied the second pig.

The wolf answered, "Well, then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in." So the wolf huffed and he puffed and he huffed and he puffed and he blew his house in and he ate up the second little pig.

The third little pig (played by Kristen Stewart) met a man with a load of bricks. "You know, I punched a werewolf in the face before," she said to the man with a stoic look on her face. When he looked at her scared, she continued, "Just give me the damn bricks." The man handed over the bricks and the third little pig was on her way. She built her house out of the bricks.

One day, the Big, Bad Wolf came, as he had with the other pigs, and said, "Little pig, little pig, let me come in."

The third little pig went to the door and looked through the peephole. "So you're a werewolf?" she asked, fist poised.

"No, not a werewolf, just a normal wolf. Now let me in!"

"You're not the first monster I've met, you know," her stoic face replied.

The wolf, frustrated by how long this was taking decided to just blow her house down. So he huffed and he puffed and he huffed and he puffed  and he huffed and he puffed... but he couldn't blow her house down. It was just too strong.

Angry and starving, the wolf knocked on the front door even harder. "Little pig, little pig, let me come in! Either you unlock this door, or I'll climb down the chimney!"

"Please don't make me choose!" the third little pig responded, her voice slightly elevated, but her face remaining stoic.

The wolf was now enraged. How could one little pig cause so much difficulty?! He climbed to the top of the house and hopped in to the chimney. He slid down and landed in a hot bowl of soup the third pig had been cooking.

"Ouch!!!!" he yelled in pain.

The third little pig looked at the wolf very intently, watching him squirm from the heat of the fire as his fur was scorched and the smell of burnt hair filled the brick house. "Did you know, you're sort of beautiful?" she gave a hint of a smile to the wolf.

The third little pig couldn't believe it. Was she really falling in love with a wolf, something that could kill her in one bite?!

"Um, hello, I'm dying here. I'm being burnt alive. You know you'll never get into pig heaven if you kill me!"

"If this is about my soul, take it! I don't want it without you!" the pig exclaimed (face stoic as ever) as she hopped into the boiling cauldron, becoming hot and steamy with the wolf as they each cooked into eternity.

It's a tragedy really; She could have brought a lot to this story. But then again, she probably didn't get the part because she cheated on Rob. Is anyone ever going to want to watch her in anything ever again?! The Three Little Pigs directors sure don't think so. All I have to say about this is Rob doesn't deserve that. I would never do that to him.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Update: A Day in the Life

Many of you may remember the bathroom scandal mentioned in my previous post wherein our newly renovated bathroom stall had a rather revealing flaw. Yes, I'm talking about the crack where the stall wall meets the real wall that revealed your neighbor's rump if you were to take a peek. Well, I'm am happy to report that the problem has been fixed. Yes, where there once was a crack, there is now a lovely strip of blue painter's tape covering it up, keeping us from baring all to each other. I must say, after paying all of that money to have the bathroom renovated in the nice red and cream color scheme, I'm glad they footed the extra 30 cents for that blue accent strip. It really brightens the place up. I can now relieve myself in the peace and privacy of my own stall!