Thursday, January 10, 2013

Why you shouldn't buy things in stores

There are three kinds of people in the world:

1. Those who appreciate greatness.
2. Those who are inspired by greatness.
3. Those who don't recognize greatness. Of any kind. Ever.

First let me address group number one. These are the people who see something great and want one of their own. Your "right brains", so to speak. They know greatness when they see it. Often times they are willing to pay great amounts of money for this so-called "greatness". i.e. Apple consumers (I'm not hating... just saying).

And then of course, you've got the third group, those who couldn't recognize greatness if it stabbed them in the face with a fork and tried to eat them. These people are boring, so why talk about them?

And finally, there's the second group, the one of course that I fall into ***bats eyelashes***, the best group, which shall henceforth be known as "The Inspireds". Let me tell you why the Inspireds are the best group: When I see something great, rarely do I want to have that exact item. Usually, I want to make one of my own. And so do the rest of the Inspireds. Thus, we get YouTube, America. The Inspireds are not satisfied with greatness as is. No, we want more! We must create our own greatness. We want to make greatness better. We want... Greater Greatness!!!

Exhibit A: Charlie Bit Me

We've all seen it... numerous times (admit it already, you love it!... and if you by some account you live on a planet in which you have not been exposed to this greatness, here it is.). This video was probably created by a member of Group One... they shot the video and thought, "This is perfect. I'll post it just like this." Then, along came an Inspired. He watched it and thought to himself, "That's pretty good, but you know what... it could be better!" After days and days of sleepless nights and circling thoughts and several focus groups, the Inspired came up with a piece of Greater Greatness... Click Me!

Exhibit B: Taylor Swift's I Knew You Were Trouble

Here (start at 2:02) is a perfectly awesome (awesome awesome awesome) song. But I would never venture to say that Taylor Swift is a Group One member. I mean, this girl finds inspiration in everything from breaking up with her boyfriend to making up with her boyfriend. She definitely is an Inspired. But that's the thing about us Inspireds, making Greater Greatness isn't always enough for us. Sometimes, an Inspired makes Greater Greatness which inspires another Inspired to make even greater Greater Greatness. It's a never ending cycle of inspiration and new versions of the same thing. Here are two examples of Even Greater Greater Greatness. #1 and #2

But the Inspireds are inspired by greatness in many other places besides YouTube. For example...

Exhibit C: Stephanie Meyer's Twilight Series

Now, I know this series takes a lot of flak, but seriously, it's awesome! I never would have read a book about vampires a few years ago. (In fact, I had a friend named Gina who tried over and over again to get me to read it to no avail.) But one night, I was sitting home alone and I found myself watching the first Twilight movie and from there I was sucked in. (Ha! Get it!) They're fantastic. Now a Group One member would read the series and say, "Yes, that was great. I would like to read it again." A Group Three member wouldn't give a damn about anything. But an Inspired, they would take it to a whole new level, which is exactly what this girl did... click here

See, I've been trying to tell you, we Inspireds bring a lot to the table. Can you even imagine what life would be like without us?! 

And you know what else can be attributed to us Inspireds? The competitive, Capitalistic, American way. That's right. The Inspireds are the reason America thrives. You see, when Henry Ford invented the automobile, if everyone had been Group One members, they would have all said, "Sweet! I want one just like that. You have achieved pure greatness, Mr. Ford." And we would still all be driving model t's around. But that's not what happened. Instead, a bunch of Inspireds came around and created their own versions and now it takes a year's worth of time and research and energy to pick out which car you would like to buy. You're welcome, world.

And take American Idol as another example. What was a seemingly great show at first, has now spawned practically it's own genre of tv shows. Simon Cowell looked over at his fellow judges to his right and said to himself, "You know, these people are great, but I can do better," and X Factor was born. And so was The Voice and Duets and Crossroads, etc. etc. etc. You see, everyone wants their piece of the fiscal pie. Everyone wants to prove that they can do it to, and that their version will be even better than yours. That's what we Inspireds bring to the table.

Do you remember the 2011 Superbowl National Anthem? Oh, don't lie, it's the one you lost $5 bucks on because you bet that Christina would hold out the last note for more than 30 seconds. And why did you bet that she would hold out that note for more than 30 seconds? Because you knew she'd be trying to outdo the person who sang it every year before her. Because she's an Inspired. And Inspireds strive for Even Greater Greater Greatness.

So the next time you go to a store and see a painting that you think is perfect, or hear a song on the radio that you like, or even watch a movie that you want to buy, Don't! Stop! Think! Ask... not what your country can do for you -- ask what you can do for your country. Maybe you, yes even YOU, could become and Inspired. Group Three is dull and pointless, Group One is fine, but it's the Inspireds that make this country what it is, teen heartthrobs, YouTube junkies and all. So don't buy that painting; paint your own version. Record your own song. Or make your own movie... (just as long as it's not a documentary about turning your boyfriend into a vampire).


  1. I just want T Swift to stop getting country singer awards... because she obviously isn't one

  2. I agree, not country. As long as she keeps making music, I'm happy, regardless of any awards she wins.